All The World's A Stage
by her name is erika
Summary: This kind of spotlight burned. / Or, Victoria Newman before and during Adam's trial. Victoria-centric, hints of BillyVictoria


**All The World's A Stage**

—

All the world's a stage  
And all the men and women merely players  
They have their exits and their entrances

- _As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII_

—

She didn't mean to find this box. But Victoria doesn't mean to hide this velvet box either. It was a dark purple tie of Billy's she had been looking for instead. Victoria pulled out the velvet box out of the dresser drawer and still, it was so soft against her palms. There was a charm bracelet of starts with medium chain links in this box previously. The memory of how the light hit the stars on the bracelet as it tinkled on Delia's wrist engraved itself in Victoria's mind and the smile that took up her whole face was so bright. Delia was magic in her own special kind of way and she liked to think that magic lived on in Johnny when he laughed in an effort to crack others and himself up. When Katie was rocked in her arms and smiled up at her, Victoria could swear they had the same smile.

Johnny was three and learning everything about the world, growing into a sweet goofball of a child. Katie was happy baby who still had a developing personality. However, she was a sweet child who liked to laugh, observant as ever and determined to set out into the world even before she could walk.

Victoria let the velvet texture of the jewellery box caress her palms a little longer.

Delia's life was forever seven years. She was always going to seven, trapped as a little girl when she had everything ahead of her. She was a spark, a firecracker, a shining star that would have created her own path down the yellow brick road of her life.

"Vick, you find that tie yet?" Billy's voice floated from their master bathroom. She slipped the medium sized velvet box into another compartment and wiped away newly forming tears. It wasn't about her or feelings. Today was ultimately about Delia so Victoria would be the strong as always. Today would be strong for Billy if he leaned on her and today, they would be strong for each other when Adam was punished.

Opening a drawer by the nightstand, Victoria found the lavender coloured tie.

"Yeah. I found it," she replied and smiled when Billy walked in. "I know how much you wanted this tie. Delia's favourite colour."

He took the tie from her and kissed her forehead. "Thank you," he added, with a slight chuckle. "Although, Delia didn't have a favourite colour. She would say 'Dad, I like all colours. Purple and pink just look _better_ on me.'"

"Yeah," Victoria remembered with a chuckle of her own. She recalled the times she'd help Delia get ready for school on the mornings she was there. Pink socks with the white polka dots. Purple converses or the blue sneakers. Sometimes, Delia would ask about boys, and love and how a person knew when they were in love. She folded her arms, took a lock of her hair behind her ear and sighed, quietly sniffled as her cheeks flushed. "She told me why she didn't have a favourite colour because playing favourites was too mean. Every colour was special in their own way."

"That's my girl."

Victoria took Billy's hand and gave it a light reassuring squeeze before making a move to check on Katherine Rose before she spent the day with Grandma Nikki. Hannah was resting at home, nursing a nasty flu bug. So, she volunteered to drive Johnny into school today while Billy stayed with Katie back at the house. However, Billy maintained a hold on Victoria's hand and looked at her with such concern and affection in those blue eyes that still – as corny as it sounded – gave her butterflies.

"Vick, you don't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"Be the strong one and you're one of the toughest people I know but it's okay if you want to fall apart a little."

She smiled, faintly this time and assured Billy, "I love you for saying that. I'm okay."

Victoria placed a kiss on Billy's lips that said that and so much more. She had hoped that her kiss conveyed everything she wanted to say today – that despite her rationale and level-headedness, sometimes she found herself staring into a bottomless abyss and that perhaps it would be easier to jump into it. Victoria hoped that Billy would know she understood how it felt to have every dark human emotion sparked with an all-consuming intensity when around Adam. Visions of throwing every technological object at Adam's face still danced in her head. But Victoria wanted Billy to know she was with him always.

"Damn. You're beautiful," Billy whispered, against her lips when they did pull apart and his hands did their own dance at the small of her back.

"You're pretty handsome yourself. Please try not to let that go to your head," Victoria teased with a smirk on her lips and then turned serious and sincere. This was their dance, their language – moments of playfulness, moment of anger, moments of clashing even as Billy saw the darkest and ugliest parts of her and she saw his. Victoria held Billy's face and searched his eyes with hers. Still, she loved the feel of his stubble underneath her palms. "It's a hard day today, but there's some good here. Yes, Adam will be punished. But you're fighting for your child. You are fighting for her and I'm so proud of you for it."

"Thank you. For being here."

Victoria shook her head, stopping another apology from him. She wasn't owed anything and it's so far into their past, it seems like another lifetime.

This was a new chapter for her and Billy now.

"We're partners. We're _us_."

She kissed him once more and padded out of the room and down the hall to go and snuggle with this miracle, this beautiful little person half her and half Billy in ways that surprised her every day.

However, Katie being loved by her big sister would not have surprised Victoria at all. Not in the least. In a perfect world where Delia was happy, joyful and alive, Katie would have loved her big sister in her own innate way. In Victoria's world where Delia was alive, Chloe would be whole. Katie and Delia would be older and still love each other. She's tell Katie all about boys, Johnny would be tease them both while Billy would remain comically horrified. All the while, Victoria would laugh and wonder how this home and this family got to be all hers.

All it was, however, was a fantasy.

Victoria learned it was easier to be a realist instead.

She knew better.

.

Dr. Caroline Sullivan had changed in the four years Victoria has known her. But she was consistent in making house calls.

Now, her three children were four years older while Victoria _had_ three children.

Katie had gone down for her afternoon nap during this session – this particularly hard session that left Victoria so emotionally raw and so spent. It surprised her. This wasn't her. This angry, crying mess wasn't her.

"What are you feeling right now, Victoria?" Dr. Sullivan questioned, twirling her pen.

"Angry, scared and a little bit of hypocritical."

Dr. Sullivan furrowed her eyebrow, but her tone was even and understanding – the way a therapist was supposed to be. Part of that rubbed Victoria the wrong way because she wanted the therapist to tell her she was fine and that her feelings with the trial were normal. She wanted this ache in her chest to fade, this knot in her stomach to loosen and these tears to just stop. Victoria wanted to be there for Billy, and for Johnny and Katie. She wanted Billy to be okay – whatever that meant.

"I'm angry that Delia is gone while Adam is alive. He's supposed to be gone. Dead. And he's right here wreaking havoc. Billy heart will never be the same. I'm so scared," Victoria explains, wiping at her eyes only to feel more hot tears make their tracks down her cheeks. "He's carrying all of this anger, rage and guilt. I'm so worried that one day, Billy will crumble under the weight and I lose him all over again," Victoria plays with a ring on her middle finger and meets Dr. Sullivan's green eyes with angry blue ones, voice measured but so small. "I… I need to ask you something mother to mother."

Dr. Sullivan adjusted her glasses and pushed them so her glasses no longer sat precariously on the bridge of her nose. The therapist crossed her legs.

"Of course, Victoria."

"Reed is going to be a teen in a couple of years, Johnny is three and Katherine is a baby sleeping upstairs. I want to raise them to teach them that are good people in the world. How the hell do I do that when someone like Adam exists? Is that even possible?"

The therapist's blond hair fell like a shoulder length waterfall over her shoulder as she shifted in the single seat. In a tone that hit Victoria deeply, she replied, "I can tell you that the world isn't as black and white and I think you know it as well. As parents, we try and tell our children that the world isn't this cold, unfeeling place. We're supposed to," she shrugged, and touched Victoria's hand. "There are no plans for when they discover that the world is a grey place unfortunately."

Victoria chuckled, a sound that was hollow and bitter. She grabbed at her hair and combed the brunette tresses through her fingers so roughly it almost hurt. The breath she released squeezed her chest.

"Guess I will have to lie to my children when I tell them monsters under their beds can't go away," Victoria glances away, voice drifting to that time she walks away from Johnny's nursery only to find Billy numb and sitting on the floor of Delia's room. She remembered Billy thanking her for not doing the laundry because Delia's things still smiled like her. "I wish Billy's monsters would not haunt him anymore."

Dr. Sullivan nodded with a sympathetic smile, her notepad empty.

.

"The prosecution calls Victoria Newman to the stand."

This kind of spotlight burned. It burned her skin. It made scars that still were trying to heal raw. Yet here she was on the witness stand about to expose herself for all to see. Victoria willed herself to just breathe.

 _Breathe, breathe, breathe_.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Billy. Exhale. Reed. Inhale. Johnny. Exhale. Katherine Rose. Inhale. _Delia_. She placed a right hand on the worn black leather Bible and as she verbalized a quiet, yet firm _I do_ , she wondered if Adam would burst into flames if she threw this holy book at him as hard as she could. She felt foolish for telling Billy not to let the anger poison him when Victoria could feel her own. Her anger wasn't hot, searing and dark underneath. Her anger, her disgust manifested itself as bile creeping up her throat. Victoria could hear her heartbeat in her ears and turned her blood to ice.

She kept her hands in her lap and interlaced her fingers together in them so tightly, Victoria felt the pain of a distant cramp. Blue eyes discreetly swept over the courtroom until her eyes met Billy's and with a nod of his head, he gave her assurance. They would hold on to each other today. They would trust each other today and they would trust justice. No matter what happened, they would be in it together.

 _I love you_ , he mouthed, with that half boyish smile she adored so much.

She met him, a blush faintly making her cheeks pink. He always could make her blush. Victoria smiled back and mouthed and _I love you too_ back. Then here she was, back in this spotlight. Back to where they should have been two years ago. Back in this courtroom where they should have never been in at all.

Christine's voice snapped Victoria out of her reverie and she steeled herself.

"Ms. Newman, state your full name for the record and your relationship to Cordelia Abbott at the time of her death."

Victoria inhaled again. For a few seconds, shifted her gaze to Adam, her brother by some genetic accident of nature. Maybe monsters were born and maybe there were made. Perhaps, Adam was a blend of both. There he was with contrition and something like regret all over his face. Victoria ran over that elevator scene all of the different ways in her mind. Beneath the surface, it was a moment between strangers. Now, Victoria realized the man in this elevator was her risen-from-the-grave brother and on the stand, she felt sick.

Did he compliment her child because Katie was some replacement for Delia and maybe that was enough? Maybe some of absolution and non-existent salvation was what Adam wanted.

Contrition didn't mean much when Delia was dead, and a part of Billy died with her. Adam's regret was poison and his apologies were like cancer. Victoria glanced at Billy again in the courtroom – his seat stance the same one she found him that horrible October night two years ago.

 _I lost her. I lost my daughter._

They lost Delia and though Victoria found her way back to Billy, he wasn't whole. If Victoria could do her part this time to make sure justice did not evade this sweet little girl, she would.

Still, the spotlight burned and Victoria would endure minutes of pain to do her part, ensuring Adam suffered years of it in return.

Tucking another lock of her hair behind her ear, Victoria answered the question clearly, even with the emotion bubbling underneath her skin, clawing up her throat in an attempt to break free. She straightened her black-rimmed glasses, and made her blue eyes steely, icier than actual ice formed in a biting Genoa City deep-freeze.

"My name is Victoria Nicole Newman, and Delia was my stepdaughter."

 _Lights, camera, action_.

—

 **Author's Note:** Finally, this is done. I am writing this for the same reason I wrote "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" – to give Victoria a voice. I am not sure whether Victoria will say anything at this trial. I wish this show give her a POV to be honest, but if they won't, I will do it myself. I'm hot and cold with this one because it's the perfectionist in me but I hope that I got into Victoria's head right – before and after Adam's trial. It's not about _my_ dragging Adam but more about what _Victoria_ FEELS towards Adam. She already doesn't like the guy on any level. Delia's death broke her heart and ripped her world apart, so it would make sense that Adam being alive would bring all of those suppressed feelings of grief all the way back up.

Feedback would be nice. I'd like to know, please and thank you.

-Erika


End file.
